Thursday, February 28, 2013

I am the Best Bowler Ever.

We went bowling on President's Day.  We invited another couple to come with us and bring their kids.  Unfortunately, Josh had to work (though I think he was really just intimidated by my bowling reputation), but luckily Kristen still came and brought her two kids. 

Kristen is one of those people you only come across every once in a great while.  She is completely nice to everyone she meets, listens more than she talks, and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt.  I have never heard her complain or say anything negative.  She reminds me of myself.  Kidding.  She is my personality's opposite.  Someone I am well acquainted with (to whom I am also married) once held up both of his hands and said, "This hand is you.  This hand is Kristen."  Then he made the hands talk to each other.  The hands started out talking to each other in a normal fashion (as normal as hands that talk get), but the Heather hand gradually became louder and louder and bigger and bigger until it ate the Kristen hand.  Thank you, husband.  In other words, Kristen is nice to put up with me and my somewhat loud personality.  She is a gem and the type of friend everyone needs.

So . . . what was I saying?  Oh, bowling.  We went bowling, and I was amazing and won everything.

Actually, I'm a terrible bowler.  But I had a good time anyway.  We brought out the bowling ramp and bumpers for the kids when I was the only one who really needed it.

We all saw a few of these:

and, from time to time, felt like this:

but definitely had a great time.

 I had a few strikes, a few spares, and a bunch of gutter balls.  You would think that taking P.E. II in high school would have put me on the path of a champion bowler.  That's right, P.E. II had a bowling unit!  Every week during that unit, we boarded a bus and went to the local bowling alley and bowled a game.  What education!  Almost as good as the "Walking Unit" we had where we would walk half a mile to Sonic and get lunch.  Ikidyounot.

But I digress.

June observed while wearing a fleece hooded jacket because it got down to 58 that day and all of us Floridians were fearing hypothermia.

Yay Bowling!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Happy Valentine's Spray!

For Valentine's, we had lunch at a local sushi place.  We love sushi!  Not real, authentic sushi, but instead Americanized, fatty pockets of cream cheese sushi.  It's the best.

June decided to accompany us on the date.  She was entranced by this aquarium:

She ate her puffs with chopsticks:

Daniel enjoyed the romantic meal by multi-tasking:

Afterward, we went to Crispers for their biscotti gelato, our favorite.  While standing in line and waiting to place our order, Daniel and June decided to ham it up for the rest of the restaurant patrons.  He had June on his shoulders, and they were dancing all around when June vomited all over his head.  She was shooting for distance, so it splashed all down the front of my blouse as well.  Our fellow patrons laughed hysterically, and we got quite a few claps too.  One guy called out, "Organic hair gel!"  HAPPY VALENTINE'S SPRAY!!!

Other pics:

I can never figure out why June sleeps like this:

On her knees?  Such a relaxing position.

Being silly:

And after church (which always means skipped nap--you can see it in her eyes.)

And I will soon be having a little plastic done:

More on that later.

It kinda reminds of the time that I had a cyst on my wrist in December.  Someone had told me that you could smash it with a book and it would go away.  I begged and begged Daniel, but he refused.  Finally, he decided he would do it in the middle of our skype session with his parents Christmas Day.  I'm not sure they appreciated the show.  But it did work!

Thoroughly grossed out yet?  Thanks for stopping by. 

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Komodo Junie

Little known fact:  If you wait until the very last possible day to mail in your taxes (April 15th most years) and you happen to be in Las Vegas that day, you can take your return to the post office at Mandalay Bay and get a free ticket to the Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay.

While living in Vegas, my employer prepared many, many tax returns but always waited to mail them until the very last day so that he could have many, many Shark Reef tickets to share with his grandchildren.  One year, he gave two to me, and Daniel and I went.

This was pretty much the best day of our lives.  Two nerds like us at a FREE museum?  Heck, we went through twice.  If there is one thing the Jolleys take seriously, it's a museum.  You don't want to be stuck in our tour group because we ask every question we have ever pondered, related to the subject or not.  In fact, that particular day, we distracted one tour guide so well that a two year old wandered behind him and stuck her hand in the piranha tank.

We petted the stingrays, freaked out over an alligator we thought was a log (my Florida self laughs in the face of my Nevada self for this) and spent about eleventy billion hours inside this tunnel:

But out of everything we saw, the animal that the greatest impact on us?

The komodo dragon.

The venom of a komodo dragon is killer . . . literally.  There is no antidote for the saliva from one of these bad boys.  When a komodo dragon wants to eat, it will bite that poor animal and then leave it alone because it knows it will die.  And no other animals will go near it because it has the mark of the komodo dragon.  And no matter how far the animal tries to run after getting bitten, it doesn't matter.  The komodo dragon can track the animal because of the saliva he (or she, you sexists!) has left on it.

I should narrate Animal Planet, right?

Anyway, even though it's called the Shark Reef, to us it was all about the komodo dragon.  One of the tour guides told me how he had to trick the komodo dragon every night into entering into his nighttime cage.  If I worked there, I would constantly volunteer to clean the men's bathrooms to avoid this responsibility.

This experience has prepared us for parenthood.

Meet . . . Komodo Junie.

And yes, she is adorable.  But her saliva is also deadly.  Girlfriend has the worst spit-up problem!  Everything her spit-up touches is gone forever.  Just today, I was at a friend's house and June spit up orange gunk all over their carpet.  Orange.  I was mortified.  As I scrubbed their floor, I was so grateful for my friend, Amy, who kept reassuring me it was fine that June had just spit up on their new carpet in their new house.  "We are going to put hardwood floor in here anyway, " she said.  May I always show the same mercy to mothers of small children.

June has entered that phase.  The phase where everything is crazy all of the time phase.  Don't get me wrong--I enjoy June so much.  I thought I never wanted her to stop being a newborn, but now I see more of why people don't like that phase.  June is more fun now.

She is learning new things, like climbing:

And eating different things:

But she is crazy too.  And into everything:

Last Friday, I put her to bed.  She was crying crying crying, but I was holding out strong.  Next thing I know--THUD.  When I ran into her room, I discovered that she climbed out of her crib and fell to the floor.

One day before that, she climbed up on her little chest of drawers, and they, together with a lamp on top, toppled on top of her.  I had a heart attack.  She laughed.


Yay!  More stuff to play with!

Any of you have a crazy baby story to share?  Or has your kid ever spit up on someone else's carpet?  Or broken something at someone else's house?

Saturday, February 2, 2013

You are not my spokeswoman, Khloe Kardashian.

I recently watched part of a panel discussion produced by the Huff Post.  The topic of discussion was the new U by Kotex campaign (the tampon company), which encourages discussion between women about their bodies, as well as the importance of dispelling myths surrounding women's' bodies.  This is an idea I can get behind--I think knowledge is power, and girls (and boys) should ask questions and learn about all things, including their bodies.

The panelists included many female body experts and the spokeswoman for the U by Kotex campaign, Khloe Kardashian.  Though at first surprised by Kotex's choice for this campaign, I honestly approached the panel with an open mind, hoping to find one thing that both Ms. Kardashian and I support.

I was incredibly disappointed with the outcome of the panel, at least the part I saw.

Now, it is important to say that I did not watch the whole thing and thus do not know if Khloe was ever corrected by another panelist or if she ever recanted what she said.  I have searched for the video again, but could not find the whole thing.  I did find this article, which confirmed what I had seen.

Among other comments, Khloe said that women should be proud of their vaginas, not because being a women is awesome, but instead because "vaginas could get you a lot of places in life", "a good puss could control any man", and "it's the man's downfall" among other things.  (Excuse the language; it's a direct quote.)

Really?  This woman is the spokeswoman for a campaign meant to empower young girls? 

Khloe wasted this perfect opportunity to discuss an important subject by demeaning the sexuality of women, suggesting sex is a weapon to use against men to get what they want.   She also suggested that sex is what helps women progress in life.  She seems to think that women can't excel based on the work they do or their achievements.  She reinforced in my mind that there is something quite wrong with a world that concerns itself with the doings of people who make a living by producing dysfunction and false empowerment.

There is a plethora of other things wrong with what she said; feel free to list any you think of in the comments.

I hope to instill in my sons and daughters that their bodies are beautiful and that sex is a wonderful bond between husband and wife and definitely nothing to be ashamed of.  It should also never be used as a means of power over another person.

Kotex should kick Khloe Kardashian to the curb.