Thursday, August 1, 2013

The Day I Cut My Hair Off and Quit My Job

For those of you that read the title of this post and immediately thought--"Oh great!  A female empowerment post!"--Think again.  There is no bra-burning in this post, though I do have some empowering experiences to write up one day.  Today is not that day. 

Instead, this is a post I am writing is a humorous tale of a girl acting like a crazy.  So, pretty much . . . the opposite of a female empowerment post.  You have been warned.  I hope you still want to be my friend after you read this.  I hope even more than that, you will want to post a crazy story of your own so that we can laugh together.  It would make me feel better to know that I am not the only girl who acts badly on occasion.

Of course, the story starts with something really important, like my own vanity.
I love long hair.  I love beautiful long ponytails and long hair that is thick and pretty and that beachy sexy look everyone is doing right now and hair that does what you want.  I do not have said hair, though I pretend every couple of years or so that I do by growing out my ultra-fine, ultra-straight hair.  The results are always disappointing because my hair just sort of hangs and does nothing that I want. 

I got to this point at the beginning of the summer and knew that it was time to give up on my hair and cut several inches off.  I had several sources confirm that this is what I should do and that this is how I look best. 

So I cut off my hair.

And I hated it.  It was only a few inches, but I was convinced I looked like a man.  And I like men and everything, but don't especially like looking like one. 

I drove home from the salon as fast as possible.  I ran through the front door of my apartment, and Daniel yelled out, "Let me see!  Let me see!"

"NOOOOOO!" I yelled.  I ran into the bathroom and put my hair up into a ponytail.  But it was a ponytail no longer.  Instead, it looks like the hind end of one of those dogs who gets its tail clipped. 

Like this:

Daniel approached me again.  "Why did you put it up?  I want to see it down!" 

With tears streaming down my face I said, "My hair looks like a dog's butt."

Daniel laughed, thinking I was being funny.  It took one look from me to assure him I wasn't.  After that, he pretty much hung out in the other room for the next couple of hours.

Meanwhile, my boss texted me a huge assignment with a deadline of 30 seconds.  Ok, so I'm exaggerating.  In all reality, the assignment wasn't that bad, but I was really bad, and could not be messed with.  In my state of mind at that time, an assignment due in three years would have sent me over the edge. 

Then he sent me a few more assignments, all due ASAP. 

Next thing I know, we were on the phone having an argument.   In the kinds of tones that no one should ever use.  And the kinds of tones that we had never ever used with each other. 

I didn't know at that time that he had just had it out with another attorney, and so he was in a bad mood too.

We both said things we didn't mean, and the next thing I knew, I was saying, "Well then, I QUIT!" 

Those words always seemed really cool and empowering in the movies.  They were not so cool at that moment.

He said back, "FINE!"  And we both hung up.

As soon as I got off the phone, I was sick to my stomach.  I ran into the other room where Daniel was hiding, burst into tears and said, "I JUST QUIT MY JOB.  I AM AN IDIOT!  WHAT WAS I THINKING?   WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOWWWWWW??!?!?"

Daniel hugged me and said, "Don't worry.  I'm sure whatever you did, it was the right thing.  I will get a second job if I need to."

He's pretty much the best.

Then there was a knock at the door.  I had a visitor, a girl from the ward.  I tried to look and act normal, but I'm sure she could tell I was crazy.

During the middle of our visit, I got a text from my boss.  I thought I would lose my lunch when I saw it was from him.  But it said, "You can still work for me if you want to."  So I texted back, "Ok."

I finished my visit with the girl from my ward and walked back into the room where Daniel was.  He said, "Guess what!?!?  I am almost halfway done with an application for a second job, and I think everything is going to work out just fine."

And then I said, "Oh don't worry, I have my job back."  Poor man.

I completed the assignments for my boss and went to bed.

The next morning, I woke up, showered and did my hair.  And it really did look way better than before.  I even liked it.



  1. Heather - you're wonderful. And I miss you and your funniness.

  2. I heard vitamin B really helps with that stuff.

    Haha... JK. Remember when I had a nervous breakdown earlier this year? Then went to bed and felt better in the morning? Yeah. I know pretty well how you feel. I remember this day and felt so bad for you. I love you. You're amazing. You inspire me every day. Love, Linz

  3. That's how I feel EVERY SINGLE TIME I get a shorter haircut. Which is such a bummer, because I always thought short hair was so cute.