Friday, March 3, 2017

We're Jolleys, and That Means We're Unique

We're weird. Our family, I mean. Every personality is a little weird, and the things we do as a family are weird.

Example 1: Dan.

Dan spends his days seizing adventure and fighting crime . . . with grocery store products. The man loves his job of analyzing data and obtaining more shelf space for his company's cough medicine. And I do not exaggerate his love. When we go out as a family or on a date, we often find ourselves inside of a grocery store Dan has been hankering to check out and we walk the cough syrup aisles to see how much shelf space his products have. And then he tells us the dirt of the industry--which stores don't want to give more space to family planning products, the major price increase expected for limes this year and the folklore of his industry, consisting of old urban legends where competitors' employees would covertly enter grocery stores and would mess up displays for the purpose of helping their own products do better. We're all on the edge of seats. I tease him but honestly I love having a husband who loves what he does everyday.

Not everyone is as enthralled as Dan, but alas, he remains undeterred.

Dan reminds me of my dad in a lot of ways. When he's interested in something, there's no stopping the questions. When we go to a museum, we go through more than once "to get our money's worth". Dan asks the most questions in any given tour group. Similarly, my dad exhausted quite a few tour guides in his day. Including me. When I interned on Capitol Hill in DC, I gave my visiting family a tour of the United States Capitol Building. They were my hardest tour I ever gave. My dad would NOT stop asking questions, and they were of the insane variety. "What tools did they use to measure these stones?" "Were there any disagreements over the types of stones used?" And the like. Eventually, I just talked through his questions, and he stopped asking them. It was then that I discovered that my dad had left our family for another tour group with a more knowledgeable tour guide.

I bet my dad would have loved touring grocery stores with Dan.

2. June

June's preschool class recently finished a unit on restaurants, so we decided to put her knowledge of servers vs. hosts vs. chefs to the test by going out as a family. Unfortunately, her silly parents picked a buffet by accident, and the owner of the small Indian restaurant didn't have servers or hosts. So that plan kind of backfired. But June loved the food.

June's imagination is otherworldly. My conversations with her are often incoherent and hilarious. For example, one day last week June was playing with a little horse figurine. I asked her the horse's name.

"Dr. Hockledoff," came the reply.

"Hello, Dr. Hockledoff!" I exclaimed, trying to join in on her fun.

"Welp," June retorted. "He just died."

And that was the end of Dr. Hockledoff.

Also recently, June told me, "Mom, don't be a door." I don't know what that means. Another day, while hurrying down the hallway to catch the bus, June ran past me and simply said, "Potatoes, right Mom?" "And I just said, "Right, June."

You have to say "Right, June" or she'll just keep repeating herself until you do.

Who knows what's going on in her brain most of the time, but it does seem a nice vacation from the world sometimes.

3. Gwen

Gwen is part girl, part wild thang. I didn't know I was the type of person to argue with a 2-year old over non-consequential things, but I guess my maturity isn't quite what I thought it was.

Gwen and I are having two major arguments as of late. They both occur every night at bedtime. Every night, I give the girls a bath and then we do songs and stories. Every night, Gwen requests two stories.

The first is about the caterpillar/butterfly cycle. It starts out with caterpillar and shows him go through the pupa and then the chrysalis phase and then become a butterfly who lays eggs of her own.

The problem is that Gwen HATES the chrysalis phase. I don't know why! Every time we get to that page, she screams over and over again "NO CHRYSALIS!! POOPA!! POOPA!!" (meaning pupa).

The other argument we have is in the Book of Mormon for kids book that we read as a family. Gwen loves the story of the liahona. However, as soon as I say "liahona", she screams over and over "NOT LIAHONA! PUMPKIN! PUMPKIN!"

Apparently, she thinks this looks like a pumpkin:

I don't know what to say except that I let her win most nights. And by "let" I mean, admit defeat readily because she's kind of scary.

Dan has been traveling a lot, and one night when he was out of town, I rolled (33 weeks pregnant, so literally rolled) out of bed to use the restroom for the 234827th time that night. And I stepped on Gwen, who was standing next to my bed. I don't know how long she had been there. But she was just watching me sleep.

She's intimidating.

4. Me

I'm weird too. Because when Dan and I finally do get to go on a date together (it had been about 4 months), we do things like this:

Get our nostrils waxed. Only 10 bucks! We both highly recommend. 


  1. Remember that time Gwen growled and sneered at us after we were entertaining the idea that maybe she was evil? And I literally threw my phone down in terror? I love her so much. I love this all. You make me want to shop grocery aisles with hairless nostrils! Potatoes, June!

  2. i love your writing. -emily